Dear Diary,
Thing is, we've been working & fighting for our basic human rights as well as others in the prejidice spectrum, most of our lives. It makes me wonder, who will be my Anne Frank house, then secondly, when I’m gone who will be there for you, when so many have never had to work or fight for a thing in their lives, muchless the basics, of equality & respect. Can you even begin to imagine?
Don & I made a choice to live in the burbs and blend in with the diverse community as a whole. We could have moved into a more LGBTQ+ friendly and accepting area but we opted for choice 1, thinking in part if people saw us and got to know us, their preconceptions about gay people might soften, grow & change. I sometimes wonder if we made the right choice. Especially lately, I wonder if we’re not urgently needed elsewhere, i.e. HRC, Trevor Project, or the like.
Recently I was having a conversation about Project 2025 and some of its potential effects on the LGBTQ community. The person I was talking to, seemed indifferent and expressed it in a “I'm a (striaght) white male in America '' as if to say it doesn't affect me and so what, adding, “apparently, it’s what the people want.” To which I rebutt with a,” not the majority, not the popular vote”. Then proceeded to tell me that when the whole idea of gay marriage was coming into focus his father was concerned about the gays getting health insurance together, as gay people have hiv and it will cost him more, as if all and only gay people have hiv. And by the way the LGBTQ makes up about 14 million persons in the U.S., 500,000. of people with hiv are from this community which is about 70%, of all persons living with it, 30% is non LGBTQ persons. During this conversation I brought up the fact that his mother soon after, Don & I, got married had approached me and asked why it had to be ‘marriage’ as if we had somehow diminished or taken something away from her. I tried to soft sell it, by illustrating just our basic human rights, ones they have, to see and make decisions about each others health in a crisis and other legal & logical things, she just turned it into a logisticall thing to appease herself. The person I was having the conversation with had weeks earlier in another conversation, alluding to the notion that my 38 year old relationship with Don wasn't equal to a marriage in general. This didn't go over well with me and I began to illustrate the similarities, but stopped short as I was now getting infuriated as I had recalled another conversation a few years earlier, where a young nephew had also, who diminished our relationship claiming we didn't have the same responsibilities therefore it wasn't equal, of course he has no idea or any notion of our responsibilities, life, service or dedication to family, friends, humanity or much else, about us , what we do or who we are. Ask more questions, make less assumptions, but know this, one actually needs to listen and comprehend the information given.
Can you just imagine the audacity, the utter hurt and pain this kind of ignorance causes. You know people for 25+ years or their entire lifetime and they not only don't see you as equal, but as less than, & inferior. My pain turns to a self preservation type of anger, pretty quickly. I remembered numerous similar incidents…i.e., a person I was in business with claiming we weren’t equal, a conservative religious couple firing me because I was gay, another firing me because there’s just some things he can’t except, other workplace discrimination, being told, by a gallery owner, at one of my first solo exhibits nearly 25 years ago, “some people won’t by your art if they know your gay”, one of our cars being stolen, dumped a few blocks away riddled full of bullets, police did nothing but let me know the vehicle was found, when we first moved here 30 years ago, a teenage neighborhood boy running around calling us faggots, 15 years ago, my father not wanting us to get an apartment where he did the a/c maintence, because it could effect his business, feeling let down when you come out at 20ish and another, close to you, opts to stay in the closet, leaving you fend for yourself against the ridicule of friends & family, being verbally betrayed by another family member publically, one in which we had put our lives on hold for years to help them out, during one of the most difficult times in their lives, losing contact with a best friend & a cousin for couple decades after being told don’t come around with your partner as their boyfriends/husbands wouldn’t be ok with it, both of them are not in those relationships today, and another family member telling us they’ll be praying for us, and hoping that we’ll see the light. These are just a few highlights of hate+ ignorance=pain, we have endured during our 38 year relationdhip & my 60 year lifetime. Remembering and writing this down, brings back the hurt and I feel momentarily bitter again, but I tell myself, don’t live here, yet they are part of me. Most of the people I know, know nothing of these things, I keep it to myself for the most part, stuff it down and move on.
Even so, I flashed to a conversation I had with a friend I had worked with a decade earlier. After several years of working with her, she came up to me and said, "You're amazing, you just go through life thinking everyone likes you." As you can imagine I was a bit taken aback, at first. The thing is I go through life, friendly, open & supportive to and of all people. It never occurs to me to be any different. I’m approachable, a good listener and people know I actually care. So to even imagine that someone didn't like me because I was too friendly, too happy, too white, too annoying, too sensitive, too accepting, too gay, too whatever, was unimaginable and yet you know not everyone going to like you. I spend a lot of time being supportive of others vision of who they want to be, and trying to help them power through those things that keep them from following through on their aspirations & dreams. You have to give me a pretty strong reason to not like you, and cut you off completely, as in doing something that undermines my basic survival and yet, still, I tend to be forgiving to a fault, but I grow older, more tired & weary.
I mostly try to keep things up beat and of a more constructive & positive nature, to show that all things are possible, at some level, if you move in the direction of your hopes & dreams. I will say this though, before I met Don, I thought I was invisible, unseen. Invisible as in, I didn't matter or exist in any real way in this world. So PRIDE for me is about the life we've created for ourselves over the past 38 years and the compassionate & positive influence, impact & change we've been able to make or have on other peoples lives. Yes, for this I'm especially proud and grateful of.
More recently, on at least 2 separate occasions, people I've known for decades have said to me, "Stay sweet". I suspect they can see my stress, utter pain & disappointment with some of the people I contend with daily, in light of current direction of things & events. Most of the disappointment comes from the so called, religious, especially as it seems to me that it only applies to their narrow tribe and the church they go to, hypocrites. So I say again, "The central message of most religions is not every man for himself, but to love each other as oneself." This should involve empathy, compassion & understanding, not hyper criticism & judgement towards others. It seems simple and yet here we are, one more time allowing one man to illicit. incite, ignite and weaponize people against each other for the sole purpose of soothing his ego and lining his pockets$. I couldn't be more disgusted & remember it was just 10 years ago when people made an active effort to just get along, for the most part. I suppose I'll get over it and we'll get on with doing what we do, by keep trying to add beauty & knowledge into the world, in the service of all humanity, as equals.
One of the very best things about my parents is the fact that neither had any prejudices, that I was ever aware of. We lived and I grew up next to a neighborly & freindly lesbian couple, Corby & Jackie, may they rest in peace. Hence, I embrace diversity and grew up in northern Illinois with the notion of the American melting pot and it's a small world after all, both, I strongly believe in. I have a comprensive worlds religions library in my house, as I’ve been reading and studying them since I was in my teens. There's a praying Jesus & Buddha statue in our front yards garden. I do not identify specifically as Christian, or Buddhist, but consider myself Unitarian Universalist, as I embrace their teachings, as well as other prophets & teachers of love for the common good of all.
Several years ago, while on vacation, we met a Russian man who has sought asylm here in the U.S.A. under Obamas watch. It turned out he was a civil attorney/activist in Russia for LGBTQ rights. Russia, currently has what are known as the Gay Hunters. He explained, Queer Russians Are Being Brutally “Hunted” and Murdered, and the U.S. Has Done Nothing. Russian LGBTQ+ activists are terrified they could be next. U.S. hate groups and government inaction may play a big part in the country’s increasingly virulent homophobia and Project 2025, leads it all back here to the USA. The Human Rights Campaign shows a current backlash already, in the extremely high rate of murder, of trans persons over the past 8-10 years. There’s 4 films I reccomend, Campaign of Hate: Russia and Gay Propagandaby Michael Luca, Hunted: The War Against Gays in Russia, INSIDE JOB & BAD FAITH documentaries.
When we were allowed to, we had a union ceremony, soon after we were able to be married. I remember saying to Don, are you sure you want to do this, it only takes one crazy narcissist nut-fock with no sense of right or wrong running things and we're toast, gassed or shoved into the fiery furnace. Fact. Don & I have been together 38 years, that’s nearly 5 times the national average. And I find myself questioning... why are so many of my friends and family willing to risk our lives when no one on the left has ever told them who to love, what to believe in or how they personally should live their lives. The simple facts are there are 2 kinds of people in the world, givers and takers, the latter are so insecure about who they are that they are compelled to destroy everyone and everything around them, that they don’t understand, thinking they’re justified and entitled in their self-righteousness, utterly , without cause, without thought, without remorse for who or what they’ve destroyed.
When the person who's poisoned the well, thinks everythings so toxic. i.e. Remember, his modus operandi is lie, deny, deflect, project & repeat on an endless loop.Unfortunately, there's a great many people that just believe what is said and it never occurs to them to check the info. He's still playing his character from the the apprentice and destroying every shred of this country and its peoples future. We have a system of checks & balances, it assures justice for all. It is currently out of balance as some have confused lawlessness and freedom… the later comes with personal responsibility & consequences for one’s actions.
Let me leave you with this thought to ponder, its when people confuse the will of God, with the will of some people of power, that you get the inquisition, witch hunts, nazi germany, gay hunters & Project 2025, a.k.a. Agenda 47. Here’s an easy solution, think for yourself, be respectful, tolerant and Vote blue, if at all possible. Be a drop in the ocean, so when the wave hits, everyone understands that it was equality, freedom, truth, justice and the American way that has just washed over them.
~thanks for listening
as always, your questions & comments are welcome,
Richard
I painted this in 2013 just before marriage equality was passed as law
